a faith observed: Simon's first broken nose?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Simon's first broken nose?

Simon has SO much energy these days. He LOVES playing chase and of course, loves crashing into things. Which is what happened today. I was feeding Grace on the couch and Simon was running up and down the hallway at full speed, screaming happily (or crazily!), holding his teddy, kitty, a throw pillow, and something else (I can't remember what!) and jumping onto the couch next to me. and saying, "I'm holding my kitty, teddy, pillow and ...". Well all of a sudden I see him trip on the rug and land, yes, right on his cute little button nose. I kind of panicked inside when I saw him go down, and more so when he sat up and blood started running out of his nose... My memories of broken noses always go to 9th grade at the Kandern pool, seeing Tom Spencer do a jump off the diving board and came out of the water with a nose suddenly resembling the letter S more than a nose. Would my darling adorable little boy have an S shaped nose? and worse, I was car-less, alone with Grace, who was very unusually clingy. HELP! I quickly phoned my good friend Lani, who is a nurse. She rushed over, to find Simon running madly around the house and screaming happily (again). The nose was a bit swollen but we decided he was going to be okay, and hoping that it was not broken...

What else happened today?

Gracie, not even 4 months old, REACHED for my plate at lunchtime, pulling it (a ceramic plate!) towards her with her cute little hands! can you believe that? She actually did it several times, as if to say, "I want some of that!" Lani, had been holding her and said she seemed hungry, trying to nurse her... so I gave her a good feed (it had been interrupted by the nose situation an hour earlier). But seriously, I think she is either going through a growth spurt or is going to be a foodie like her mama. She LOVES watching me eat anything, always eyes it off and gets a huge grin on her face- and sticks out her little tongue. She especially loves watching me eat my rice krispies every morning. She likes the blue pattern on the ceramic bowl.

Gracie, while she wouldn't go in her bouncer today and wanted me to hold her (very uncharacteristic of Grace), was still full of smiles- gorgoeous, tongue sticking out smiles. She's so cute and I kept her up a lot more of the day than usual, since I'm in the process of moving her to four hourly feeds. She seems to like being a part of things, loves looking at Simon and me and Andrew and the TELEVISION!!!! It's crazy, she is crazy about TV. If it is on and she is around, her strong little head will manage to turn itself so that she is completely glued to the tv. and hold herself up and just go into a little tv trance. I have to leave the room if Simon has a TV show on and I can't feed her and watch TV at the same time. She's so incredibly alert. Also loves being outside or watching the trees move out the window. I took Simon outside as a baby constantly. He loved it too - took it all in- and she does too, but it's just so much more of an effort with two and I have Grace on such strict sleep/feed schedules compared to Simon who was an on-demand feeding baby who would NEVER sleep in his cot alone, so I walked 5 hours a day to get him to sleep.... how different they are and how different I'm parenting them both!

Well, I should try to get some sleep since G seems to like waking up throughout the night these days. I'll post some pictures of the blood soon....

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.