a faith observed: Brand new day.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Brand new day.

Simon rode to daycare aka 'school' with his friend and next door neighbour, Charlie, today. Leesa (Charlie's mom) and I have decided to carpool and even though his school is only a mile from here, it really will be a godsend by the time I interrupt Gracie's sleep, get all in the car, say our goodbyes.... so I'm thrilled it's worked out. Or has worked out on day 1.

I was a bit sad and nostalgic, seeing him drive off in someone else's car, sitting in Charlie's carseat, looking like a preschooler. He looked so sweet- kind of scared but putting on his brave face and suddenly very quiet. He's growing up... where did the time go? Seems like I was just agonizing over getting him to sleep like I'm now doing with our little G-ster. I'm debating about calling daycare to see if he's settling in okay today... when do momma's ever stop thinking about their little boys?

Just got G to sleep- tried for over an hour this morning.... grrr... simon did remarkably well playing alone for most of that time... It's a tough balance of just chilling out and relaxing and perservering to try to get Grace to be a good sleeper. I've about given up. Think I'll either call the sleep school? or just throw in the towel and accept the fact that this is my reality for the next year.

Last night, lying in bed, I just felt so thankful for both of my children and determined to laugh more and just enjoy them more. So here's to a brand new day.

1 comment:

Marge said...: And a brand new day it is!! Hang in there...and do as you suggested...laugh a bit more. It is good for the soul and the heart...and your kids will love you for it!!; May 16, 2010 at 10:33 PM

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.