a faith observed

Saturday, November 21, 2009

What's Simon been saying these days?

"Mummy cute." And then yesterday he went around the table, "Rachel cute, Erin cute, Daddy cute, Kitty cute."
"Just a little bit more..."
"No "tank" you Mummy"
"Yes, please, Mummy"
"Big nur, nur"
And a whole lot more! He's talking so much and I LOVE IT! But his good manners really melts my heart!

What's Simon up to these days?

- Chopping down trees with his chainsaw and pretend chainsaws.
- Playing with cars on Eli's car mat from the movie "Cars".
- Reading his "race car" book and naming Roary, Maxi, Tin Top, Cheeky Car, and Drifter.
- Eating his first ice cream cone - mint chocolate chip, yummy.
- Falling asleep by himself four days in a row (worked for Daddy but no luck with Me!)
- Afraid of thunder and didn't want to go outside the next day because "it might rain".
- Hammering with his new hammer.
- Pretending to fix things with pretend tools.
- Riding on the City Cat in Brisy or "Kitty boat" as he calls it.
- Swimming - finally! He's been scared of pools, baths and waters since July when he saw a scary shark on a you tube clip. Yesterday, after a good half hour, we managed to coax him into the pool and he ended up having a great time. He especially liked lying on his back and kicking his legs really, really quickly.

What are we up to these days?

We had a scan at 32 weeks and got to see our little girl. She is apparently approximately four and a half pounds, only half a pound lighter than Simon was at birth! So that was great news! We also officially made it into the birth center in Brisbane. More good news. Now we just have to work on getting to the hospital on time (it's an hour and a half away, that's with no traffic).

Erin, my cousin, is visiting and it's GREAT to have her here. I'm really enjoying getting to know her as an adult and she's just so great with Simon and fun to be around.

The days seem to be flying by. I know that December will fly by, too, and before we know it we'll be about to welcome our little girl into this world!!! It's been hotter than you can imagine (all of you in the freezing cold hemisphere) and my only relief is my afternoon swim. Our house is an oven and being pregnant doesn't help! I'd like to just live in the swimming pool these days. Kind of crazy that it is only November.... what will January be like?!

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.