a faith observed: What we did to remember my dad.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

What we did to remember my dad.

January 15th marked the 4th anniversary of my precious father's departure from this world. By far, the most painful day of my life, I am surprised that time does seem to dull that pain.

I always look forward to celebrating my dad's life and remembering him on his birthday and this anniversary. It was wonderful to have my mom with us- that also helped to ease the pain. And of course Simon, Gracie and Andrew are such a joy in my daily life that my sadness, while always present, is balanced by all that I have to be thankful for.

This year the date fell on a Sunday - and really there was no better way to remember my dad then to enter into a church of any denomination and imagine my dad's face- his slight, content smile as he worshiped his Father together with other strangers who he considered to be his brothers and sisters. I remember this smile at Catholic masses, Pentecostal, Lutheran, Anglican, Southern Baptist, Methodist,Conservative Baptist, Church of Christ, international congregations, you name it, my dad would just soak in God despite any differences he may have had in beliefs and always have more than a kind word about those strangers we'd just met. I love that about him. Oh, and always a visit to the prayer chapel in any international airport we'd be in- I recall an ecumenical service at Schipol airport in Amsterdam. He really could worship God anywhere.

On our way to church we stopped at... gasp, dare I say the good old golden arches? My dad loved his pancakes and by gosh, I think Mccy D's has some of the best pancakes around(even though I wasn't eating them!). I also remembered my first trip to McD's for pancakes- in Florida while visiting my dad's grandfather, "Great Grand Daddy Clark". This visit made quite the impression on me I think because of those pancakes and the little cups of butter and steel pitchers of syrup!

We planned to eat fish and chips in honor of my dad at the Noosa river, at a special spot where we'd had a picnic with my dad, mom, and Bob and Steph shortly after Simon was born. There is a picnic table which I always love to return to to remember that day. Also, when I was in hospital with Simon for a week after he was born, my dad would visit and bring fish and chips every day! He really liked them!

Anyway, we had a down pour and ended up under cover close by to that special spot. We got wet but it was a lot of fun! And so was watching Gracie and Simon eat ice cream in honor of him - and telling them ice cream stories about my dad- like the time we made ice cream floats and sprayed soda pop all over us at Aunt Judy's house when we were 7. Simon especially liked those stories. A week before he died, we were traveling from Pittsburgh to Connecticut in a blue convertible (in January! it was the only rental car available!). Anyway, we stopped at Friendly's for lunch and with the senior meal came a sundae for dessert. He kept trying to feed Simon ice cream - who was only 6 months at the time!!! I think he was teasing me! Cause he offered him peanut butter too! :)

So, it sounds like my dad was a really unhealthy eater which isn't exactly true- but I think we'd rather eat pancakes than spinach and chopped liver to remember him by!

I love you dad. And I can't wait to share an ice cream with you one day! Hopefully my resurrected body can handle dairy by then!

1 comment:

Mom said...: Thanks for helping make such good memories, Liz. It was a fun day and I have had a wonderful time with you all during my nearly 3 months in Australia. You have done such a great job of making me feel part of you all!!; January 21, 2012 at 3:34 PM

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.