a faith observed: Arthur.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Arthur.

Mimi Jane sent Simon some money as a present for becoming a big brother. Simon was very excited to put the money in his "choo choo train" bank and then take a trip to the shops to buy Arthur! He actually went to buy Thomas the Tank Engine but Thomas wasn't at the shops so Arthur it was.

I like making up stories to tell him at night about Dad as a child. They are fictional, but based on things I know about my dad too. So I had been telling him a story about how little Roger would always walk by the shop window after school and dream about buying a train set, and that his mom asked him what he'd like for his birthday and that he said he wanted the train. On his b-day, he received an envelope. he didn't want his mom to know he was disappointed so he said he liked the train card she'd given him. "Open it up" she said, and inside was money to pick out the train of his choice.

So, it was very timely when we received Mimi's check and he said, "I want to go get Thomas!" I showed him Mimi's picture and explained the money was from "Choo Choo train Papa".

3 comments:

Cass said...: soooo glad to hear everyone's back on the mend ... parenting is hard enough without 2 sick kids!!; March 22, 2010 at 12:32 PM
Marge said...: Both of your last 2 entries were music to my ear!! so glad everyone is doing better...and how fun that Simon was able to enjoy picking out a new "choo-choo" train!! Such cute pictures of him as well!; March 22, 2010 at 3:06 PM
Judith said...: what a busy little guy!! Love it.; March 24, 2010 at 11:51 AM

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.