a faith observed: Simon says "poo poo".

Friday, December 19, 2008

Simon says "poo poo".

This weekend Simon learned a few new vocab words.
I was in the middle of changing Simon's dirty diaper and asked him, "What's in your diaper?" to which he replied, "pooh, pooh". Very clever as yep, there was pooh pooh in it! He then got the cutest grin on his face and repeated several times, "pooh, pooh".

Later that weekend, while I was talking on the phone to my darling niece, Ella, Simon started saying "yalla". He was very pleased with himself, and I think Ella was too as she adores Si Si.

Other new words included,
door,
blue,
and dar (for car)

And rats, I've already forgotten the others! That's why I'm blogging! Because I can't remember things from one moment to the next. I can't imagine how I'll remember anything in a few years time! So hopefully this will serve as a great keepsake! Sorry, Simon, your baby book is totally empty but you'll have this blog to look forward to! (Maybe it's a good thing that my sacrum has ended my running career. I think I might actually be a blogger after all!)

Simon's language is really starting to take off. I'm hoping that in a month's time, when we see my mom, Simon will be able to communicate a lot more. It will be so fun to find out what's going on inside that clever little brain of his!

Yesterday I took Simon to a swimming pool that we rarely go to. The last time he was there was about two months ago, and I had put him into their creche, while I had a swim. It was his second time ever to be in a creche setting (the first time was at 11 months and he lasted fifteen minutes before going into hysterics for "mama"), but he did pretty well and lasted 25 minutes this time. Anyway, there was a huge stack of cars and trucks that he had enjoyed playing with while he was in the creche.

So, we got to the pool yesterday, and it was so hot, so the water felt amazing. But Simon wasn't thrilled to be in it and keep saying "trac-tor". He talks about trucks a lot, so I figured he was just thinking about trucks, but he was persistent and it seemed like he was trying to tell me something, as he kept pulling on me. So I told him to take me to where he wanted to go in the pool (there were several pools for kids). Well, he takes my hand, gets out of the pool and walks over to where the creche center was, and pointed to it, and says, "trac-tor". I couldn't believe he'd remembered all the toy trucks! Unfortunately the creche was closed and so I told him the trucks had gone home to sleep. This answer definitely didn't satisfy him and he started to cry! He really does love his trucks.

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This is me, a faith observed.

C.S. Lewis writes about the pain of losing his beloved wife, Joy, in his book, "A Grief Observed". In some ways this is my attempt to share my journey through grief and back into life, as the past nine months have been characterized by an immeasurable longing for my beloved father, who died suddenly this past January.

After months of hibernation from the internet, I unexpectedly find myself able to re-begin this blog and connect with my larger community of family and friends. This blog will likely reflect less of the intensity and depth of my pain and more of the simplicity and ordinary joy that keeps my life full - namely days running after our little boy, Simon Pierre. But it is because of the incredible love and presence that defined my relationship with my father, that I feel I can will myself to not just survive each day but to pour that same kind of love and attention onto Simon.

My father was an endless source of strength to me, a pillar of faith. His last words, spoken to my mother as he passed into that which is unseen, "God is good - good all the time", have remained with me through this dark cloud of grief. And when God seems hidden, when justice seems to be losing out, when life is unfair, and when death swallows up the one I most love, I remember my father's words and breathe in this promise, that the God of love is in the process of restoring that which has been destroyed.

And as my father told me in dream I've had since his death, "Look to Jesus. As a father, to point you towards Him is the best gift I can give to you." So here I am, this is me, a faith to be observed.

I hold onto that which is not always seen- the promise of God's goodness, the hope that one day in the promised new heavens and earth- on a grassy hill or a sand covered beach- the lion and the lamb will lie down side by side and I, too, will lie down side by side, next to my father, and we will laugh and laugh until there are no more tears left to cry.